Everybody loves an orgasm. That’s why it’s so annoying when an orgasm is ruined. It can be your fault or the fault of your partner, but you can’t help but laugh at these ten ways to ruin an orgasm...
- Netflix and Zero Chill
“Are you still watching?” Yes, I am! Well, I was… now that you ask, I think the moment has passed. I don’t mind if my roommates hear me watching Bridgerton, but I don’t want them to hear me about to cum when the show suddenly pauses!
- I Got It For a Song
Nobody should judge a person for the tunes that help them relax during some personal time. But they can judge you if you’re too cheap for Spotify Premium or YouTube Premium! The sexiness of Isaac Hayes is gone the instant an ad starts playing.
- Uncertain Insertion
Trust us when we say that you never want to experience the moment a sex toy slips too far up your bum with no chance of retrieval. You want to cum at home, not go to the emergency room. Always use anal beads or anal trainers instead of the dildo that’s meant for your front bum.
- Batteries Not Included
Almost there! Almost there! Almost… did your sex toy just run out of juice? Keep your toy charged, or load them with fresh batteries. Otherwise, you’ll be left feeling as flat as the toy.
- Say My Name
You know their name, so why did you yell someone else’s when you were about to climax? Keep that to yourself or when you’re playing alone, not when a partner helps pleasure you.
- That Shitty Feeling
What shitty feeling? That would be when you suddenly have to hit the pot when you’re about to hit the spot. It’s even worse when it’s anal play, so make sure you’re always prepared for the moment.
- The Right Tool For the Job
Whether you’re going it alone or with a partner, always check you’re using the right lube and haven’t accidentally picked up the tube of Bengay — you’ll only make that mistake once!
- Sleeping Beauty
It’s tough when you can’t keep your eyes open. That’s entirely forgivable when you have some ‘me’ time, but it’s not when you or your partner falls asleep in the heat of the moment.
- Man’s Not So Best Friend
The only pussy that should be in the room is the one between your legs or her legs! Keep the pets out. The staring, barks, meows, or licks can put an end to the steamiest of sessions!
- Yes. Yes! YES! No, Siri!
Ensure your voice controls are off on your devices — that is, your phone, tablet, or smart device. That’s one kind of booty call you don’t want to make.
- Are We There, Yet?
Seriously. Shush. If there’s no constructive criticism from your partner, just keep doing what you’re doing. Listen to them, and don’t keep asking if they’re getting close.
